


Confession

by You_are_perfect



Series: HideHaiseWeek2015 [7]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Confession, Day 7: Goodbyes, Emotional Hurt, Hurt, M/M, Shironeki returns too, don't blame me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-02 02:13:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4041793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/You_are_perfect/pseuds/You_are_perfect
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re wrong, Hide! You are im—“</p><p>”Stop bullshitting on me!” Hide raised his voice and eyes flared with madness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confession

**Author's Note:**

> The last day! Heck yeah! I really enjoyed writing this part you have no idea how much I wanted to do this one!

_**Aim:**_ To investigate the relationship between you and me.

 _ **Inference:**_ My disappearance will influence your memory on me

 _ **Hypothesis:**_ The further I go, the lesser you remember me

 _ **Result:**_ You do not remember me

 _ **Conclusion:**_ I am not important

***

He did it again, Akira thought.

She was just finishing her paperwork when one of the investigator called her for help. Another SS-rated ghoul terrorized at somewhere discreet in Tokyo. A group of investigator, specially from 1st Rank and Special Investigator were required to deal with this problem.

However, this was not just another SS-rated ghoul. This was one of the investigators, Sasaki Haise. He became Kaneki again.

She went there and worked together with other. Normally she would not need any help, but it was better to work in group when dealing SS-rated ghoul. Fighting alone only led to certain death. And death usually meant lose. Nobody want to lose in this battle.

Sasaki was out of control. His rinkaku kept jabbing around. The entire investigator tried their best to dodge his attack, but they were only human. Humans tend to get tired after moving around a lot. But ghouls do not.

It was getting harder for them. It seems almost impossible for them to hold him down. What worse, their RC suppressant were running out after a raid they had done a few night ago. The CCG did not have enough to make new one in large amount.

They could not give up now. Sasaki or Kaneki was too dangerous. He needed to be stop before he hurt other people. And the only people who could stop him were the CCG. Akira could not let any innocent life die in his hand.

As she tried her best to concentrate in this task, she heard something fall nearby them. She looked around and saw a metallic bottle not far from them. Before she could do anything, the lid went uncapped and released cloudy smoke from it.

All of the investigators who smelt the smoke coughed. It only took less than a minute for every of them to fall down to the ground. Everyone went unconscious because of the smoke. Except for the half-ghoul.

Nobody noticed a person whose face covered with mask walked to this place. He went past through every lying investigator and moved forward to the uncontrollable beast without fear.

***

Everything was hazy to him. His eyes barely registered anything. His mind was pure blank. Sasaki was unable to think anything right now. He was trapped in his own mind, letting himself being controlled by the monster inside him.

He felt it, of course. He knew he was being attacked by a swarm of ghoul investigator. He knew that would happen the moment he accepted the ghoul’s side inside him. No matter how many good deeds he had done, people would still look at him like he was a monster. And right now, Sasaki thought that they are right.

He did not want to attack them back. He felt horrible to do that. Yet, in order to survive, the ghoul inside him fought them with their body mercilessly. It was either to hurt or to be hurt. Sasaki - or the ghoul- refuse to be hurt.

”My, you haven’t changed a bit huh?”

Who is this? Whose voice is this?

”This is just like old time, buddy. Just like old time...”

The voice was laced with melancholy. Sasaki started to get confuse. Who was talking to him? And why does he felt familiar with this voice? He heard it somewhere...

Sasaki wished to stop moving and focus to that person. Unfortunately, his rinkaku continuously assailed anything around their space. His kagune does not work like his mind wanted them to do. The ghoul inside had a full control over him.

_Please, I don’t wanna hurt anybody...._

“Wow, you really are stronger than before! I’m impressed” the voice praised him.

_It feel wrong, why does it feel wrong? Is it because the of the compliment?..._

The rinkaku never cease the attack, but it still failed to hit the target. The silhouette of the figure moved around the rinkaku as if they were dancing around. Sasaki would be impressed if not because of his situation.

For a moment, Sasaki thought he killed that person when he heard nothing more. Fortunately, he heard footsteps were getting closer to him. In the blurry scene, even clouded by the smoke, the half-ghoul could smell this scent. A different scent that made him... calmer?

Out of the blue, a figure suddenly embraced him. Not too loose to let him go but not too tight to suffocate him. Just from his hug, his rinkaku flailed down to the ground and went limp. Sasaki could sense that the ghoul inside him finally stop attacking.

”You can rest now, pal. Let’s go home now” the voice whispered next to ear soothingly.

_Home?_

Flash of memories started to hit Sasaki’s mind like bullet train. From the beginning to the end, everything started to flicker in his own thought. His past, his tragedy, his lost, everything he had done before. But there were also his hope, his friend, his happiness...

_His home..._

The kakuja mask on Sasaki’s face finally started to crumble. Bits and pieces fell down to the ground. Everything started to get a little bit clear now. Sasaki lifted his head slowly and looked toward to the masked person who holds him. When that person took off their mask, Sasaki could not believe his eyes. Tears started to form on both of his eyes

The person who hugged him was Yoshi. The person who gave him the most gorgeous smile was Yoshi. The person who finally stopped the monster inside him was Yoshi.

Hold on, his name was never Yoshi. He had different name...

_Hide...._

The last thing Sasaki saw before he closed his eyes was the bright-haired man’s solemn eyes.

***

The half-ghoul investigator blinked his eyes a few times. When he felt like he had little energy, Sasaki opened his eyes fully. His nose caught the scent of medical substance everywhere, but he knew this was not a hospital. This was the room where the CCG ‘check’ on him.

”Good morning, sleepy-head! Or should I say, good night?”

Sasaki turned his head to the right and his heart beat a little bit faster. Sat next to him was the young man who continuously saved his life including this time. Even if the moonlight shone beautifully through the window, it was no match with the presence of this brightest person to him.

”Hide!” Sasaki squealed happily, wanted to get up and hugged his old friend. He never thought he would be like this but now that he remembers, he realized how much he missed him. Sadly, his hand was chained to the bed and he could do no more than just sit.

“Safety precaution from the CCG. Don’t put the blame on me,” Yoshi, or Hide, shrugged his shoulder.

”It’s okay, they don’t know that I’m here. After all, I’m just a missing man who is not worthy,” Hide chuckled sadly, eyes unfocused with Sasaki’s attention to him.

Waves of questions bombarded Sasaki’s mind. What happen to him? Where did he go? How did he get here? What happen to the other investigator? But the first thing that came out from the half-ghoul’s mouth was:

“Why you didn’t tell me who were you before?”

Hide’s face went gloomy when that question came. He fiddled his own fingers to ease his tension. He gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. His eyes motioned to everywhere except the young investigator. When he finally gathered his courage, he answered:

”You told me before that you don’t want to remember”

That sentence felt like it was stabbing straight to Sasaki’s heart. If only he knew from the start, he would not say that exact word. Hell, he even would go back to the past and tell his past to never say those words. His refusal to his old memories made him forget the memory he hold dear inside him unknowingly.

”But it’s not just that”

Hide’s word sounded weird this time. When Sasaki stared to Hide, something was off with his look. His face was blank, but his eyes appeared cold. Like, colder than Arima’s gaze.

“The real reason why I choose to not tell you was I am not necessary to you,”

Sasaki was taken aback with Hide’s confession. Why would he say something like that? Does he not realize that he was important to him, more than Sasaki’s life himself?

“You’re wrong, Hide! You are im—“

”Stop bullshitting on me!” Hide raised his voice and eyes flared with madness.

Hide never had been like this before. He was the kind of person who could control their rage. He was always cool and calm, hardly triggered by anything else. To see him acting like this was a new level to him. Hide must be super pissed at him. He understands why.

“Me? Important? We both do know that’s not quite true” Hide chortled bitterly. His smile does not even show any positive feeling. Hide felt like there was something bitter stuck in his throat. He usually cried when he got this feeling, but he probably lost all of his tears right now.

“I thought that we were best friend. I thought we trust each other. Hell, I even thought that at least I meant something to you! But...” the human lamented “I was wrong. You don’t trust me at all. You don’t even accept me. Not even once, you thought of coming to me. It was me who dreamed something like that...”

Sasaki wanted to say something, but Hide raised his hand and signalled him to not saying anything. This time, it was his turn to talk.

”I get it. I understand why you chose to left me in the dark. I know being a ghoul is hard. I was happy that you found Anteiku. They become your backbone around that time. They become your family. No matter how much you denied it, you found your ‘family’ the moment you left your humanity. But I was your best friend back then! I helped you a lot of time. I was there when you lost and despair when you were human. Why do you think that it will be different when you become half-ghoul? Why do you think I will turn my back? Have I ever show any remorse toward ghouls? Fuck no! One thing you should know, I don’t need your protection! I just wanted your trust.

I chose to back off. I knew that you don’t want me anymore the moment you found Anteiku. But then, I could not help but worry when you were missing. I tried to find you everywhere. I did everything just to see you again for one last time. I don’t mind that you are leaving me again, but I need to make sure you are content without me. I had to join CCG even if it meant by betraying them in the end. And we all knew what happen to a traitor. I paid my price.

They found me. They used my intelligence in order to get ‘Eyepatch’. I had to play along just so they won’t catch me. But my hands were tied in the end. I could not think any option that could save you and won’t be the dead of you. Only Arima-san was my chance. I don’t know whether I should be blessed or not when he agreed with my plan.

By the end of the day, I just realized something: Why should I give a damn about someone who doesn’t care about me? Is it really worth it? I’m not worthy to you so why should I worried about you? That’s why I chose to disappear after I found you and sent you to Arima-san. I shouldn’t give a damn about you anymore. What’s the point anyway?

But you know the old saying: shit happens! For a few years I live without you, you waltzed into my life at that train. For a second, I thought you remember me again. That old hope started to spark when we met. But I was wrong again. I found it’s odd you know. You went berserk when you remembered Nishiki-senpai. You cried when you met Touka-chan. But you felt nothing when we talked. Not even a little bit. Not even after we met more than a few times now.

I helped you this time because you were Kaneki Ken. That monster that you refused to remember was my old friend. However, I don’t think I could continue this anymore. It’s time for me to go now. I’m not significant to you so let me leave you behind for your own good. If you can’t accept me who I was before, then there is no way you can accept who I am now. There is no point of staying here.

I’m done playing houses with you,” Hide finally done spilling everything. He finally said his feelings after he bottled it inside. He got up from his position and stepped toward to the door. Before the CCG came here and found him, it was better for him to leave this place.

**_Don’t go!_ **

”Don’t go!”

Both Sasaki and Kaneki screamed for Hide. They were not ready to lose him again. They finally found Hide. They finally realized the only person who always save them and made them happy was Hide. Seeing Hide disappeared was not something they wanted to happen again.

Hide halted his step. His hand already twisted the doorknob. It was only a step left for him to just go out. He turned his head toward the half-ghoul, waiting for that man to say something. He should listened what he was going to talk now.

“I... I really didn’t realize how horrible I treat you. I didn’t know that. I just wanted you to be safe. I know that you don’t want me to say sorry again and again... But you are important to me! Of all people I met, I do anything just for you even if it meant my life. I do anything just to get you back. Ignorance is bliss, but I don’t want it any more once I found you again. I don’t want to lose you again, Hide...

So please, stay...” the half-ghoul begged. He is willing to beg on his hand and knees if that what it takes for him to have Hide back. He realized his worst mistake of his life was letting Hide go. Now, he refused to let that happen.

For a moment, Hide put on a facade that the young investigator could not read. A moment after that, Hide started to snort and cackled maniacally. He even held his belly and cried whole-heartedly as if he just heard the funniest joke ever.

“Man, you really are blind huh?” Hide stopped his laughter. The look of confusion appeared on Sasa(Kane)ki’s face. The bright-haired man grinned a little and shook his head for a bit. This guy was totally oblivious!

“You and Kaneki could live without me before. You could do it again”

Just like that, Hide opened the door and finally left his old friend behind.

***

Conclusion: I am done

**Author's Note:**

> I'm doing this after my exam. Physics, Bio and Chem still in my head when I'm doing the introductions.


End file.
